"This is Wiggum reporting a 318 - waking a police officer."

Most newspapers these days have a section with the recent police logs. I guess that's so that criminals and teenagers can see their deeds in the paper. At least, that's what I used it for in High School and College. But the Boston Herald's police logs section takes it one step further. I think these people are angling for a promotion. Here, one author wonders "Who hasn't wanted to drive off in the NStar truck?" Valid point, for sure, but you rarely see this type of commentary in the police logs. She also says that the suspect kicked the NStar guy in the "fusebox." I think we can probably guess what the "fusebox" is referring to. Gives new meaning the saying "I've got to check the fuses." Unfortunately, fusebox is not listed in Urban Dictionary, but fuseless is. And if you know what a radical monkey or donkey is, you're a better man than me.

In this police entry, another author drops the nugget "White Out, or so-called Liquid Paper, was invented by the mother of Monkees singer Mike Nesmith." First, wow. A Monkee and the Mother of White Out in the same family. That's cool. Second, how the hell did she find this out?

Also, since I'm already a snooty jerk, I'm thinking of adding Esquire to my name. Or maybe just Right Honorable Lord. I like the sound of that. Anyone know a Baroness?